Starring: Chris Evans (Scott Pilgrim vs. The World), Scarlett Johansson (Her), Anthony Mackie (The Hurt Locker), Sebastian Stan (Hot Tub Time Machine), Robert Redford (All Is Lost), Samuel L. Jackson (Pulp Fiction)
Directors: Anthony & Joe Russo (You, Me & Dupree)
Writers: Christopher Markus & Stephen McFeely (Pain & Gain)
Runtime: 2 hours 16 minutes
Release Date: 26 March (UK), 4 April (US)
Much like Superman, the main problem people have with Captain America is that he’s too nice; too much of a boy scout who can do no wrong. When stood next to Iron Man or Hulk, he seems a little bland. But The Star-Spangled Man with a Plan did well to keep audiences entertained in both his solo debut The First Avenger and in The Avengers itself. Now Cap must hold the limelight again in The Winter Soldier, and I’m happy to say it’s certainly one you won’t want to miss.
The Winter Soldier is the first post-Avengers Marvel film that really feels like a true sequel to that film, but it does have a tone and feel all its own. Whilst First Avenger was a light-hearted Indiana Jones-esque romp, this film has the ouvre and style of a spy thriller; a Bourne film set in a world of superheroes. And just like all the great thrillers of the past, the film is packed with intrigue and suspense that keeps the pace rollicking and the audience engaged. It calls into question the workings of S.H.I.E.L.D., the difference between controlled peace and true freedom, and the consequences of both outlooks. It’s a story that feels very suited to Cap’s optimistic view, and seeing him put his foot down and fight against the modern view of “peace” is one that is both entertaining and somewhat relevant to the times we live in. For those really interested in the mythos of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, this is a must-see. While Iron Man 3 and Thor: The Dark World worked as standalone fare, The Winter Soldier majorly shakes up the status quo and sets the universe in an interesting place for the future (do I even need to tell you to stay through the credits at this point?). My only real gripe with the film is that Winter Soldier himself isn’t as big a part of the film as you’d think. It’s not a huge loss, as the film’s main focus is more than enough to hold the story, but you’d think one of the titular characters of the movie would have a much bigger impact on the main story.
His third time holding the shield, Chris Evans truly owns the character of Captain America and it’s hard to even think he was once Johnny Storm. The story challenges Cap’s beliefs and morals, allowing Evans to do much more than just be the knight in shining armour. The film also allows plenty of time for Steve Rogers’ more personal life, particular highlights being the scene between him and an aged Peggy Carter and whenever he encounters the enigmatic Winter Soldier. Scarlett Johansson was perfect casting as Black Widow, and here she is finally given much more screen time to impress in both action scenes and character moments; her chemistry with Evans is superb and the true heart of the movie. Anthony Mackie is clearly having a ball playing The Falcon and too has great repartee with Cap, whilst Samuel L. Jackson’s Nick Fury is finally presented in a much more human and fallible manner that shows he does have a conscience. As said before, The Winter Soldier himself isn’t on screen as much as you’d expect, but when he’s there he is a very intimidating presence. Robert Redford is well suited to his role as Alexander Pierce in what is clearly a throwback to his role in the classic 70’s thrillers like Three Days of the Condor, and even Cobie Smulders’ Maria Hill and Maximiliano Hernandez’s Agent Sitwell get more time in the spotlight. And of course there are many cameos ranging from the obvious to the surprising, including teases hinting towards the future.
Considering The Russo Brothers’ background is in comedy, they really nail the action sequences in The Winter Solider. Clearly influenced by the likes of Bourne and The Raid, the fights are as visceral and intense as you can get within the PG-13 limitations. Ranging from tight one-on-one brawls to massively complicated choreographed fights on ground and in the air, all the action scenes impress and rival those in The Avengers on a spectacle level. The cinematography and editing never becomes problematic, and always knows when to cut in close and when to keep distance and let us enjoy the carnage. The score isn’t quite as memorable and heroic as Alan Silvestri’s score for the first movie, but Henry Jackman’s music does give the film a much more modern feel.
Captain America: The Winter Soldier stands as one of Marvel’s finest achievements. For those who wanted a true sequel to The Avengers, this is it. The plot is intriguing and shifts the foundations for the films to come, it moves the characters forward in an interesting direction, and as pure popcorn entertainment it is second to none. Anyone doubting that Captain America is too silly or jingoistic a character for the times we live in will probably be silenced when they see this picture, as it shows us that we’ll always need the pure hero who will always stand up for what is right. Now to wait till August, where an unlikely team of heroes will form to guard the krutacking galaxy.
Starring: Aaron Paul (Breaking Bad), Imogen Poots (Fright Night), Dominic Cooper (Captain America: The First Avenger), Scott Mescudi, Dakota Johnson (21 Jump Street), Michael Keaton (Batman)
Director: Scott Waugh (Act of Valour)
Writer: George Gatins
Runtime: 2 hours 10 minutes
Release Date: 12 March (UK), 14 March (US)
After 20 years of trying, we have still yet to get that great video game movie. They’ve ranged from guilty pleasure (Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter) to mediocre (Silent Hill, Prince of Persia) to just awful (basically anything made by Uwe Boll). Like how comic book movies struggled for a while, I’m sure one day we’ll get that good video game movie (I’m looking at you, Duncan Jones’ Warcraft). But for now, here’s Need for Speed.
The long running racing series rarely had plots, and when they did they could be summed up in about three sentences. This can be a good thing or a bad thing. The lack of material could allow the filmmakers to do basically anything they want as long as its got fast cars, or it could cause them to fumble around and do nothing but show us fast cars. Need for Speed swerves somewhere in the middle of those two options. The film does attempt to have both a story and some emotional stakes, but they feel clichéd and half-arsed. The plot is predictable and is basically an excuse to watch cars drive very fast in a bunch of different locales. The film can’t quite decide if it wants to be serious or silly so it flip-flops between the two clumsily. The comedic moments rarely hit and feel somewhat juvenile, whilst the dramatic moments are trite and sometimes confusing (I’m looking at you, Kid-who-has-a-vision-of-the-end-of-the-movie-for-no-reason-other-than-to-add-perplexing-dramatic-poignancy). On a mindless, meat-headed level it can be enjoyable but anyone looking for any kind of substance won’t come out pleased. Then again, anyone going into a movie called Need for Speed looking for substance is clearly lost. To the movie’s credit it’s never boring and kept me engaged, even if the film does run on a bit too long. When your plot is this thin, crossing the two-hour mark is nigh unacceptable.
Aaron Paul proved himself with his work on Breaking Bad, but now he’s entering the big leagues. And despite the lack of decent material, Paul manages to keep the movie on life support through his determination and natural charisma. His role of Tobey Marshall isn’t exactly a deep one; he’s the underdog who’s been wronged and is out to prove himself, but Paul goes for it and manages to carry the film across the finish line when I’m certain lesser actors would crash and burn. Similar compliments can be made to Imogen Poots, who also manages to rise above the weak material mainly thanks to good chemistry with Paul. Props also must go to Michael Keaton, who clearly knows what type of movie he’s in and just has fun with it despite being in a role that is mostly pointless. Other than that, the cast doesn’t quite add up. All of Marshall’s buddies are pretty interchangeable and bland, with only one or two character traits to share between them and even less good jokes, which is especially aggravating because the whole plot revolves around the death of one of these insipid characters. Dakota Johnson serves minimal point to the plot and just looks bored most of the time; maybe she just realised she’s about to throw her career down the toilet with Fifty Shades of Grey. But the biggest fault in terms of the cast comes from Dominic Cooper. Despite being a very charismatic and talented actor in most cases (see The Devil’s Double if you want solid proof of that), but here he’s just awful. To be fair his character as written is about as nuanced a villain as Dick Dastardly, but Cooper makes no effort to rise above the material and remains stone-faced throughout.
But of course, most people aren’t coming to see Need for Speed because of plot and character. They’re coming to see cool cars do cool stuff, and this is clearly where all attention has gone. The car chases are frequent and frenetic, the film barely stopping for a few minutes before another one kicks in. All of the stunts have been done practically, and the attention to authenticity does pay off and makes the races have much more visceral impact than half of the Fast and the Furious movies. The cinematography is very loose and vibrant but never so much that it becomes incomprehensible, and the score eases off when it needed to let the sound of the cars do most of the work. On purely a spectacle level, Need for Speed runs smoothly. It’s just a pity most everything else fails to work.
Need for Speed can be enjoyed as fun popcorn entertainment thanks to the consistently enjoyable car chases and the admirable efforts made by Paul and Poots. But the sloppy script, weak dramatic direction and an uninteresting supporting cast constantly impede on the fun. Considering how little material there is to adapt it’s hard to compare it to other video game movies but it is one of the better ones. If you’re a serious petrolhead you might find enough to enjoy here, but anyone looking for something with substance should stay far away. And so the wait for the first great video game movie continues…
Starring: Sullivan Stapleton (Animal Kingdom), Eva Green (Casino Royale), Lena Heady (Game of Thrones), David Wenham (The Lord of the Rings trilogy), Rodrigo Santoro (The Last Stand)
Director: Noam Murro (Smart People)
Writers: Zack Snyder (Sucker Punch) & Kurt Johnstad (300)
Runtime: 1 hour 42 minutes
Release Date: 7 March (US, UK)
Let’s all admit it, people: 300 isn’t a masterpiece. It’s meat-headed, monotonous and absolutely ridiculous. But it had some cool action scenes, a unique visual aesthetic and some cheesy but quotable dialogue. In the six years since, many have aped elements of the film but only now have they finally released an official follow-up in the form of Rise of an Empire. Is it blasphemy? Is it madness? Or IS…IT…adequately satisfying?
Rise of an Empire is both a prequel, a sequel and a takes-place-at-the-same-time-quel (seriously, we need an official name for that) as it focuses on another frontier of the Greek/Persian conflict. Like with the original, the film plays as fast and loose with historical accuracy as Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, so historians need not apply. The title is somewhat of a misnomer: not only is it not about the 300 (whose appearance here is 98% stock footage from the last film), but the whole “Rise of an Empire” part is pretty minimal. There’s not too much plot to speak of and can be summed up as “Persians bad. Greeks good. Now we fight”. The attempts to tie in to the events of the first film can be somewhat clumsy, but it does give the film a sense of scope and unification. But when the film delivers what it was made to do, it hits all the right notes. The film moves at a brisk pace, lets the action carry the story and ends with a satisfying finale that sets up for another (probably final) instalment. On a story level, Rise of an Empire is a superior film to its predecessor with a much better structured plot and more defined heroes and villains. It’s not exactly Shakespeare, but it gets the job done.
The cast of Rise of an Empire clearly know what kind of film they are in and deliver the level of performance you’d expect from a movie that could easily be re-titled Blood, Swords, Abs & Tits. Sullivan Stapleton does a serviceably job as hero Themistocles, but he lacks the bravado and ferocity Gerard Butler brought to King Leonidas. Like the first film, the rest of the soldiers are pretty forgettable and are basically there to kick arse and then die in a fountain of gore. Lena Heady returns as Queen Gorgo from the original but is relegated to narrator for most of the film’s runtime with promise of a bigger part in the next one, whilst David Wenham’s Diliois is nothing more than a series of glorified cameos. Rodrigo Santoro’s Xerxes has little screen time as well, as after a rushed origin story for him he goes off to serve his role in the first movie. Which is perfectly fine, as Eva Green’s Artemisia is a more than satisfactory replacement and the true standout of the film. Green revels in a role that would come off as clichéd in the hands of a less qualified actress, as she goes for broke and perfectly embodies a character oozing with deadliness and sex appeal. The film lights up every time she’s on screen and you’ll be wanting for more every time she leaves.
The visuals of 300 hundred have been ripped off so many times since the first one that it doesn’t really feel that special anymore, but it sticks with the style and it still works. The effects look near identical to the original, but somehow the blood effects look worse. Seriously, it looks more like CG ketchup most of the time. Whilst the effects, production design and costumes (or in the case of the Greek soldiers, lack thereof) are on par with the first film, the action scenes have noticeably improved. Whilst the battles in the first film were cool to behold at first, they quickly became grading and started to meld together into a mush of spears and pectorals. Rise of an Empire mixes up the action with the addition of naval battles and, as Assassin’s Creed IV proved, adding naval battles always makes everything better. The addition of ships to the mix gives the film a bigger sense of scale and ferocity as the swinging of swords is combined with the splintering of wood. Even the few land based battles, such as the opening scene’s depiction of the Battle of Marathon, have a much better pace and vigour than most of the action in the first film. Heck, there’s even a sex scene that is shot, cut and scored as if it was a fight scene, which results in a strange combination of awesome and unintentionally hilarious. Top it off with an anachronistic but thumping score, and this film has the bases covered.
300: Rise of an Empire delivers just what it needs to: lots of action scenes full of blood and slo-mo with some cheesy dialogue and a few tits thrown in for good measure. If you liked the first film, you’ll like this one. If you didn’t, you won’t. It’s as simple as that. It’s a much better film than you might expect but not by much. If you’re in the mood for mindless fun, you could do much worse.
Starring: Liam Neeson (Taken), Julianne Moore (Crazy Stupid Love), Michelle Dockery (Downton Abbey), Scoot McNairy (Argo), Lupita Nyong’o (12 Years a Slave)
Director: Jaume Collet-Serra (Unknown)
Writers: John W. Richardson & Christopher Roach and Ryan Engle
Runtime: 1 hour 46 minutes
Release Date: 28 February (US, UK)
Liam Neeson certainly took a major career shift with the release of Taken. Previously known as a serious dramatic actor, he suddenly switched to making a series of action-thrillers that radically range in quality from pretty good (Taken) to really, really bad (Taken 2). Non-Stop is another one of these films, but where on the scale does it land?
At the outset, Non-Stop does a good job of creating suspense and paranoia as Neeson’s character is set-up and the plot kicks in. The film wisely sets 90% of the film on the plane itself, keeping up the tension and the sense of isolation. The space is tight, the suspects wide, and the anxiety high. As the plot unravels, it does constantly keep you on your toes and every time you think you’ve got it all figured out, they throw you a curveball. The film manages to keep this up right up until all is revealed, but unfortunately that’s where Non-Stop quickly falls apart. All of the suspense built up to that point buckles because not only is the reveal poorly handled, not only are the motivations for these events trite and silly, but once you know who did it you quickly realise how utterly implausible this is. Thinking back on everything with this knowledge, the amount of coincidence and luck that this plan relies on is ridiculous and leaves you questioning how this could have worked if even the slightest bit of timing was off. It’s a real shame that all of the mystery and tension that the film had been building quickly dies by the time its all over.
If you’ve seen even one Liam Neeson action-thriller, you know what to expect from him. He’s grouchy and troubled but tough and badass when called for. He does exactly what you’d want from him. No more, no less. Not much else to say. The rest of the cast is decent, but the problems stem more from the fact that a lot of these actors seem a bit overqualified for their roles. Julianne Moore is a wonderful actress and she does a fine job here, but her role is barely notable. Scoot McNairy, another fine actor, feels underutilised and disappears for good chunks of the film. Michelle Dockery gets a decent amount to do but lacks definition and Lupita Nyong’o is wasted in a role that is utterly thankless. I’m sure this was shot before 12 Years a Slave blew up, but it still comes across as a missed opportunity. I know casting big names gets your film some credibility, but as a side effect it causes the film to feel a bit stuffed when so many of those names are stuck in parts that could have been played by absolutely anyone.
Shooting a movie almost entirely set on a plane does create a good sense of claustrophobia and isolation. However, it also seriously limits your cinematography options that is especially key when making a film with action sequences. Non-Stop isn’t as action-packed as you’d expect, but when the film does try to do them it inevitably relies on close-up action with quick cuts. How many times to I have to rag on this annoying trope before it goes away? For crying out loud, there’s an entire action sequence set in an airplane toilet! I know the options are limited in such tight quarters, but it is still frustrating to squint as I watch people fight filmed with shaky and unfocused camerawork.
Non-Stop is decent throwaway entertainment. It engages you for two hours and doesn’t do anything to really offend or annoy, but it doesn’t really make much sense when you think about it or you’ll quickly forget all about it and move on. It’s a much better film than Neeson and Collet-Serra’s previous effort Unknown (and don’t worry, they’ve got another one coming next year) and for most of the time watching it I enjoyed myself. But that reveal really does ruin it for me. Give it a go if you’re curious, you might even like it if you’re not too fussy, but don’t be surprised if you feel underwhelmed as the film comes to a close.
Now that the shaming is out of the way, it is high time I finally got round to listing my favourite films of the past year. Now, just to get this out of the way, this list is entirely subjective; what are your favourites are certainly not guaranteed to be mine. But most importantly, I’m not ranking these based on how well made or important to the cinematic lexicon these motion pictures are. I’m ranking them based on how much I enjoyed them. So don’t be surprised when I put a Hollywood blockbuster over an Oscar worthy tour-de-force. Because I do that a lot in this list.
25. Mama
Now this is how horror is done: suspenseful, creepy and with careful thought. Director Andres Muschietti solidly adapts his own short film into one chiller of a ghost movie. Jessica Chastain puts as much effort into this as she would in a much more serious production, and her dedication helps raise this film even higher. I hope Muschietti finds further success (he is currently circling The Mummy reboot), and this won’t be the last time we’ll see Guillermo Del Toro’s hands on this list…
24. Frances Ha
Frances Ha is a great example of taking an old style and giving it a modern perspective. Whilst it is very reminiscent of the films of the French New Wave and the early works of Woody Allen, it does have a strong relevant view of the lives of those struggling to grow up and enter the real world; a subject matter I can very much relate to. Frances is a likeable character who makes some terrible judgement calls, but they are the relatable kind I’m sure many of us have made at some point. Beyond that, it is just a good character study and is a film that pushes its minimalist approach to the limits.
23. Oz The Great and Powerful
I know this film certainly had a mixed response; heck, I’ve seen it turn up on some people’s worst of lists. But I’m sticking with what I feel and I must admit I really enjoyed this one. Maybe it’s because it reminds me of when kids’ films could be simple and fanciful, maybe it’s the fact it doesn’t completely miss the point of the source material the way Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland, or maybe it’s the just the simple fact that I’m a sucker for Sam Raimi. It may not have all the brains, heart and courage you want, but it’s got just enough for me.
22. The Conjuring
You can’t get more classic an approach to horror than The Conjuring. It certainly isn’t the most original film on the market, but it terms of what it is trying to achieve it is damn near perfectly executed. A horror film that has likable characters, a thick chilling atmosphere, and doesn’t rely on jump scares? How does everyone keep messing this up so bad? I’m just glad there’s a film like The Conjuring out there to show that horror is not dead.
21. The Wolverine
He’s the best there is at what he does, and thankfully that statement is true this time around. Making me all but forget the travesty that was X-Men Origins: Wolverine, this is the solo adventure that Logan deserves. In many ways, this is less of a superhero movie and more of a samurai/Western type film, and a damn good one at that. It’s a film that isn’t afraid to slow down and give time for character, but when the action does come it impacts sufficiently. If you haven’t checked it out already, The Wolverine is the perfect appetiser before Days of Future Past arrives this May.
20. Star Trek Into Darkness
Whilst JJ Abrams may have now moved his attentions to a galaxy far, far away, he leaves the crew of the Enterprise with a solid effort. Admittedly, the overt references to the franchise’s past can be grating (I think everyone would like to forget Zachary Quinto’s yell that ranks up there with Darth Vader’s “NO!” from Revenge of the Sith). But when the film is allowed to do its own thing, it shines just as brightly as its predecessor. The new cast sinks their teeth more into their roles, there is some great action spectacle, and Benedict Cumberbatch makes for one hell of an intimidating villain.
19. This Is the End
In what ranks as probably the most plain fun movie of the year, This Is the End is a wonderfully self-deprecating romp that has laughs crammed up the wazoo. It’s crass, unrelenting and gut-bustlingly hilarious. There’s not much to say beyond that. Seth Rogen & Evan Goldberg’s directorial debut ranks highly amongst their finest work yet, and I can’t wait to see all they have in store for the future.
18. Side Effects
The first part of Steven Soderbergh’s swansong to cinema (I’ve yet to see Behind The Candleabra), Side Effects is a simple but thoroughly well put together thriller. Rooney Mara’s performance as a woman suffering from depression is one of her finest to date, and the film expertly crafts a tale full of shocking turns leading to a conclusion I could not have imagined. I personally don’t think Soderbergh is going to stay away from the director’s chair for too long, I’m sure something will tempt him back, but if this is to be one of his last efforts it’s a good way to go out.
17. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
Now this is what I wanted from the first Hobbit movie. Peter Jackson has thankfully made his second chapter in the somewhat needlessly extended trilogy a much more exciting romp than the first one. The film is much better paced, filled with some really stupendous action sequences, and it has Benedict Cumberbatch as a dragon. What more could you ask for? It’s still not quite Lord of the Rings good, but if the final film can nail it I’d say this trilogy was a solid effort.
16. Don Jon
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, how come you are so talented? As if acting wasn’t enough, he’s now taken a shot at writing and directing and done a fantastic job of that too. Don Jon is a very well handled examination of relationships and how they can fall apart when we hold them on too high a pedestal. Scarlett Johansson’s performance is wonderfully layered as probably the most unintentionally manipulative woman put to screen, and the film offers plenty of both laughs and heart. JGL, keep it up.
15. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
Now this is a film that definitely deserves a special ‘Most Improved’ honour. The Hunger Games was a solid but flawed film, but Catching Fire manages to take everything wrong with its predecessor and fix it as well as adding to and improving on everything else. It’s got a more riveting story, better-defined characters, comprehensible and imaginative action scenes, and one of the most well handled cliff-hangers I’ve seen in a long time. Mockingjay can’t come fast enough.
14. Mud
The first of three Matthew McConaughey films to make it into my list, Mud is a simple but very effective little motion picture. Creating a somewhat modern fairy tale, Mud is a film firmly grounded in reality and a very well crafted look at the concept of love and maturity. Tye Sheridan’s performance shows he has a lot of promise as a young actor, and everyone else around him supports the film very well. Heck, even Joe Don Baker comes off as good here.
13. Dallas Buyers Club
And all right, all right, all right: here’s McConaughey again! In this true story set during the AIDS crisis in the 1980’s, McConaughey delivers a career-defining performance that deserves all of the Oscar buzz he’s been getting. Right up there too is Jared Leto’s wonderful portrayal of a transgender woman that pulls just as many heart strings as his co-star does. Not much else to say but go see it.
12. The World’s End
Where would a best of list for me be without the presence of Edgar Wright? Whilst I found The World’s End to be my least favourite of his directorial efforts, that doesn’t stop it from being a wonderfully hilarious ride. The film both pays tribute to its predecessors whilst also managing to flip the expected dynamics into a fresh narrative. Whilst the “trilogy” may be over, I’m sure Wright, Pegg & Frost will return one day to make us laugh once again. But for now, Wright can finally make that Ant-Man movie I’ve been waiting bloody ages for.
11. Frozen
In what is easily Disney’s greatest animated feat since the 1990’s renaissance, Frozen is a film that both respects the classic Disney formula whilst changing and updating it enough to get rid of its more archaic elements. And damn it, months later I’m still finding myself humming the songs. Don’t let the stigma of it being a children’s film dissuade you. If you haven’t seen it yet, do yourself a massive favour and watch it. I can almost certainly guarantee you’ll enjoy yourself.
10. Captain Phillips
Master of the Shaky-Cam Paul Greengrass proves why he’s the only one who knows how to use it properly in this masterfully taught tale. Tom Hanks’ performance as the titular Phillips is his finest in a long time, and newcomer Barkhad Abdi is truly menacing as pirate leader Muse. But apart from that, this is an effectively paced thriller that not only manages to sympathise with victims, but surprisingly with the pirates to a degree as well. A wonderfully entertaining and pulse-pounding piece of filmmaking.
9. Nebraska
Bruce Dern delivers a performance that defines his extensive career in Alexander Payne’s latest. A very down to earth and relatable story about family, Will Forte and June Squibb also deliver great work and the script is chock full of those awkward family moments that I think we’ve all experienced at some point. A simple but thoroughly enjoyable film and another hit for the ever-reliable Payne.
8. Pacific Rim
I can’t deny it. This movie is way too fun to not have it this high on the list. A rollercoaster of epic proportions, this is exactly the type of blockbuster that we should be getting more of: self-aware fun that doesn’t have to take itself too seriously. There is just enough story and character to keep the ship afloat, but in the end it is the spectacle of seeing giants mechs fighting giant monsters that makes this film such a pure joy. Pay attention, Michael Bay: this is how you do it.
7. The Wolf of Wall Street
Martin Scorsese. Need I say more? An exploration of debauchery and greed, The Wolf of Wall Street is depraved and bombastic and that’s exactly why I love it. Leonardo DiCaprio continues to prove what a phenomenal actor he can be when given the right material, and Jonah Hill proves that Moneyball was no fluke; he really can act. Filled with potently hilarious dialogue and cast list full of huge names, this is one three hour epic that I’d be happy to let go on even longer.
6. Rush
One of the most compelling and exhilarating sports films I’ve ever seen, Rush does everything it needs to do perfectly. Chris Hemsworth and Daniel Bruhl make excellent rivals, playing off each other incredibly well. The story is expertly told, making us root for both of these people in equal measure. Ron Howard’s wonderful direction is also applied to the racing sequences, which put you right in the action and will have your heart racing. If Formula 1 races were shot like this, I’d be watching them all the time.
5. Iron Man 3
I stated at the end of my review to this that this might be one of the best superhero films of all time. And, having watched it again and having had more time to think about it, I stand by that statement. All the fanboy hate on this one is narrow-minded and pathetic, as it completely ignores all that this movie does so well. It’s a film that reminds you why Tony Stark is one of the best characters to come out of a Hollywood blockbuster in a long time, and adding the genius of Shane Black to the mix just sweetened the deal. As far as summer movies go, Iron Man 3 stands as a gold standard and manages the impossible task of topping The Avengers. Yes, I said it. Iron Man 3 is better than The Avengers. Just my opinion.
4. Gravity
Alfonso Cuaron’s groundbreaking space thriller (no, it’s not sci-fi just because it takes place in space) may not quite beat his previous effort Children of Men in my book, but it is still a film that demands to be seen on the big screen. Not since Avatar has a film wowed so much on a technical level, but manages to back it up with a simple but very effective story about survival. Gravity also manages to keep the notion of 3-D alive, proving that it can be a great filmmaking tool when it actually has purpose beyond upping ticket prices.
3. 12 Years a Slave
What is there to say about 12 Years a Slave that hasn’t been said? It is an instant classic that does everything right. The performances are phenomenal, the direction superb, the cinematography gorgeous, the story unforgettable. Other than minor nitpicks, I can’t say a word against how brilliant this film truly is. One of the best films of the year, though it is so impactful I may never feel the need to watch it again. It is that powerful. If you don’t come out of this feeling seriously emotional, you have no emotions.
2. Prisoners
Prisoners is just as heart-wrenching and difficult to watch as 12 Years a Slave, but I rate it slightly higher because, to be honest, it is a slightly more relatable film. It tackles issues that are constantly found in today’s society and not just our past. Prisoners feels like a documentary at points; an examination of how different people cope in such a frightening situation. Hugh Jackman’s performance is the most underrated piece of acting of the past year, portraying a man at the end of his wits that will do anything to get his daughter back. The rest of the cast is equally wonderful, particularly Jake Gyllenhaal and Melissa Leo. This is a movie that I nearly cried in multiple times and will keep you at the edge of your seat waiting for a moment of relief. I’m not normally one for deeply depressing movies, but this one really just works. If you haven’t already, go watch Prisoners. It is just damn near perfect.
1. Her
I held out on making this list until Her came out, as I was certain it would make the list once I did. Boy am I thankful I was patient. Her is again, like many of my highest-rated films this year, is an emotional journey but one not so agonising. Like life itself, its feelings fluctuate between high and low but luckily the film’s quality never does. I cannot think of a single thing in this movie I didn’t like, and I tried. The acting is superb, the entire movie looks and sounds beautiful and, most importantly of all, the story is wonderfully told. It is one of the most human and captivating stories I’ve witnessed in a long time; somewhat ironic considering the subject matter. Spike Jonze has once again knocked it out of the park and created a spectacular piece of filmmaking that hits all of the right notes. I left Her overwrought with emotions and thoughts, but not ones of sadness or grief. I left feeling hopeful and inspired. And when a movie can do that, it’s certainly done something right.
And now, for your viewing pleasure, a video montage of my favourites:
Starring: Joaquin Phoenix (The Master), Scarlett Johansson (The Avengers), Amy Adams (American Hustle), Rooney Mara (Side Effects), Chris Pratt (The LEGO Movie), Olivia Wilde (Tron: Legacy)
Writer/Director: Spike Jonze (Adaptation.)
Runtime: 2 hours 6 minutes
Release Date: 18 December (US), 14 February (UK)
Spike Jonze certainly has one strange imagination, doesn’t he? His films have a quirkiness that seems abnormal, but they always manage to come around with a message that is true and human. Being John Malkovich and Adaptation. are huge favourites of mine and Where The Wilds Things Are, whilst not as great as his other works, does have a good sense of creativity and heart. His latest effort Her definitely feels like one of his works and, whilst like a lot of his films it takes some time to fully comprehend, my gut reaction tells me that this is one of his finest.
Whilst Her has a sci-fi element to it, it isn’t about that. The futuristic aspect is purely circumstantial; it is there as a backdrop to fit the nature of the story. Whilst it is a film about a romance, I wouldn’t exactly call it a romantic film either. Elements of both romantic drama and romantic comedy are there, but it never feels like that is what the film is about. Really, it’s a film about the ups and downs of emotion told through this bizarre relationship. There is an emotional arc, a feeling of development and a firm story, but this is a film that certainly puts character and emotion first and that is what really makes the film feel special. Many scenes are just Theo (Phoenix) and Samantha (Johansson) talking about their feelings and their thoughts, but they manage to hold the film entirely by themselves. The film clearly takes no firm side on the issue of having a relationship with an AI, as both the positive and negative aspects of this arrangement are examined. It shows the beauty of a relationship formed purely on an intellectual and emotional basis, but does show what the lack of physical interaction and the somewhat impersonal nature of it can do. But despite all this, it is a film that has more heart, more feeling and more humanity than most films about traditional romance. That simple fact goes to show you that with just the right mindset and effort, you can make any inconceivable romance seem genuine.
There is rarely a moment of screen time where Joaquin Phoenix isn’t in frame, and the fact he spends most of it talking to an inanimate object just shows you how powerful his performance is. Like the film itself, Theo is a character with a cavalcade of emotions constantly flying, and Phoenix makes every one of them seem genuine and human even when most of them relate to his feelings towards a computer. The rest of the physical cast is top notch and all provide a different dynamic for Phoenix to play off of. Amy Adams’ character serves as a good emotional mirror to Phoenix as she deals with similar grief and confusion. Rooney Mara’s role is brief but powerful, pulling the film back down to reality and providing a very critical view of this situation. Chris Pratt works as good comic relief, giving the film the right amount of levity at all the required moments. Olivia Wilde has little more than a cameo, but her few scenes do point out the confusing nature of real relationships. But probably the most well performed and emotionally grabbing performances is for a character that doesn’t even have a face. Scarlett Johansson’s Samantha is a wonderfully fascinating individual, as she seems just as human as anyone but not only does she lack physical form but it is hard to comprehend what she actually is. She is a constant presence, but often remains a mystery. She goes through as much torment and change as Theo does, but we don’t really understand what that change is. All of this comes entirely through Johansson’s voice, and it is this type of performance that really makes me want The Academy Awards to create a new category for vocal performances because this is the kind of depth and effort to a role that deserves some kind of reward.
As mentioned before, the sci-fi aspect of Her is very underplayed. The film’s idea of the future is one that seems very comprehendible; a look into a possible time that certainly feels like it could happen. Everything futuristic seems logically designed as if it belonged in our world. Not since Minority Report have I seen such a vision of the future so immersive, and perhaps one day we will see these advances come to reality. The cinematography is simple but warm and alluring, giving the picture a soft romantic feel without stripping it of honesty. Arcarde Fire’s soundtrack gels very well with the feel of the movie, gently accentuating the range of emotions being portrayed on screen.
Her is a fascinating tale that transcends labels and just tells the story it needs to tell. It is a film that can fill you with joy and sadness, laughter and depression, love and anguish; sometimes all at the same time. By the end of it all, I left with a mixture of emotions in my head but one thought stuck firmly in mine was “that was beautiful”. It may have arrived very late to the party here in the UK, but I do think it ranks very highly on my list of the best films of 2013.
Starring: Chris Pratt (Parks & Recreation), Will Ferrell (Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues), Elizabeth Banks (The Hunger Games), Will Arnett (Arrested Development), Liam Neeson (Taken), Morgan Freeman (The Dark Knight)
Writers/Directors: Phil Lord & Christopher Miller (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs)
Runtime: 1 hour 40 minutes
Release Date: 7 February (US), 14 February (UK)
I know what some of you are thinking. “They made a movie about LEGO? Hollywood has officially run out of ideas!” And to that I say “Calm down!” Every concept has the potential to make a great movie, and remember that this comes from the same guys who brought us Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and 21 Jump Street, two other properties that seemed pointless to make movies of but they both turned out excellent. And I’m overjoyed to report that The LEGO Movie is even better than you could possibly imagine.
The basic plot of the movie is your standard Joseph Campbell tale: ordinary guy is discovered as prophesised saviour and goes on adventure to save the world. If you’ve seen Star Wars, The Matrix or other such films, you know the drill. But the film is very much aware of how clichéd it all is and takes every opportunity to take the piss out of itself. Every familiar aspect of this type of story is commented upon and ripped to shreds, pointing out how tired this formula whilst celebrating it at the same time. And that self-awareness applies to every aspect of the film. The filmmakers clearly know that the idea of making a LEGO movie is somewhat ridiculous, but take full advantage of it and utilise the license to the fullest. Whilst the base story is familiar, all of the elements surrounding it are ridiculous, inventive, and ridiculously inventive. That and the film is just gut-bustingly hilarious. Every moment is packed with jokes, often multi-layered ones, and a good majority are guaranteed to make you laugh. Whether it’s a funny line, an inventive use of animation or just one of the many surprise cameos, I’d find it hard to believe that anyone could come out of this movie without laughing at least once, and anyone who does clearly never had a childhood. And the jokes aren’t just for the kids; The LEGO Movie has plenty of gags for all the children-at-heart watching as well, making it a wonderfully enjoyable experience for everyone. It even has a layer of social satire, commenting on how our world has become controlled by the media and the questionable nature of authority. The film wraps this all up with a hearty message about the joys of imagination and creativity that seams perfectly with the child-like nature of the movie. It’s when what could be just a silly kids’ film goes that extra mile to be more than what it is on the surface that you know that you’ve got something special.
The cast of The LEGO Movie is jam-packed with talent playing a multitude of characters, but they aren’t great just because of who’s playing them. It’s great because these characters are so memorable that the actors just add to how great they are. Chris Pratt’s Emmet embodies that standard ‘insert-yourself-here’ protagonist, but fills him with such life and humour that you can’t help but like him. Think Neo mixed with Philip J. Fry, and you’ve got the jist of Emmet. Will Ferrell is wonderful as the evil Lord Business, balancing menacing and comedic to perfect effect. Elizabeth Banks’ Wyldstyle is honestly one of the best female characters in animated film history: strong and intelligent but without stripping her of humour or her femininity. Will Arnett constantly steals the show as Batman (yes, you read that right), filling the film with awesome amounts of deadpan that perfectly plays against his dark persona. Charlie Day’s Benny the Spaceman is like a shot of adrenaline, injecting his trademark fast-paced delivery into the character. Liam Neeson’s Good Cop/Bad Cop allows him to play both an exaggerated version of himself and the complete opposite of himself that are both hilarious to behold. Morgan Freeman’s Vitruvious is the perfect parody of the mentor figure (and most of the characters Freeman plays in general) and his serious delivery just adds to it all. Alison Brie’s Uni-Kitty is one of the cutest things ever to exist and Nick Offerman’s Metalbeard is a lot of fun too. All of these characters are unique and colourful, all with their own ticks and jokes that keep the film lively. And on top of all of that, there are loads of cameos of varying degrees that are sure to please the most dedicated of LEGO-maniacs and nerds in general. I won’t spoil them for you here because the trailers haven’t, but trust me they will please immensely.
If being funny and creative wasn’t awesome enough. The LEGO Movie is a technical marvel too. Taking a nod from the thousands of LEGO shorts you can find on YouTube, everything in the movie has been created out of LEGO. Yes, everything. Not just the characters and locations, but all of the explosions, lasers and even the water is made out of LEGO. The way they’ve made the CGI move and flow like stop-motion is seamless and engrossing; you will lose yourself in how gorgeous this movie looks. The music is also very catchy, especially the film’s ever-present theme “Everything is Awesome”, which will stay stuck in your head long after you leave the cinema. And fitting too, as no film’s theme has better described the its own quality.
It may seem a bit much to gush about a film so early in the year but I can’t help it. The LEGO Movie is a flawless piece of entertainment. It combines the fast-paced tenacity of Edgar Wright, the satirical edge of Paul Verhoeven, the warm message of any Pixar production, and all held together with the limitless imagination of a child. This is a film clearly made by people who grew up with and loved LEGO, and have done their utmost to capture that sense of creativity and wonderment anyone has found themselves in when playing with them. Phil Lord & Christopher Miller have again proved themselves to be wonderfully gifted filmmakers and I wish they could take a shot at every property under the sun because I know they’d do a good job of it. It is an instant animated classic, and in the years to come I’m sure it will be looked back on with fond memories and inspire others to follow in its path. Whether you have kids or not, go see this movie immediately. It is guaranteed to make you smile, laugh and reminisce of a simpler time. I could go on and on, but I’ll stop to let myself catch my breath. But in case you didn’t get it: THIS MOVIE IS AWESOME!
2013 wasn’t exactly a great year for movies. For every good movie, there was a bad one or two or sometimes three. So before we highlight the best that 2013 had to offer, it’s time to scrape out the sh*t. Now most of these movies I’ve covered in full review or in one of my Rental Round-Ups, but others won’t receive the full treatment until the next instalment. But regardless, if you have yet to see any of these movies I have one word of advice: don’t. Unless you’re a masochist or something.
25. Stoker
What a confusing mess of a film this was. This movie was so bizarre that I’m struggling to recollect what it was even about, but from what I do I just remember a lot of “what the fuck?” When this movie wasn’t being bizarre, it was just being generic or pretentious. Park Chan-wook, Oldboy was awesome and I will always respect you for that, but maybe you should stick to your native tongue.
24. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
What’s worse than an utterly generic movie? An utterly generic movie that thinks it is special. But no, Walter Mitty, you are not special. Ben Stiller is pushing way above his calibre here and is clearly trying to make something meaningful. But this isn’t The Tree of Life. It’s a travel agency ad full of product placement and bumper sticker philosophy. The plot is predictable, the characters are one-note, and it goes on and on. Sure, it looks pretty but that is about all there is to enjoy here. Stiller, I don’t hate you but you are really trying my patience.
23. Carrie
Hooray, another pointless remake! I’m not completely against remaking a film as long as you can do something new with it. But this new version of Carrie does absolutely nothing but add moblie phones and waste your time. Chloe Grace Moretz tries her best to hold this picture together, but even her efforts are wasted because she is so unfortunately miscast. And by god, the bullies in this are the most cookie cutter arseholes ever put to screen. The original Carrie was a little ridiculous, but everyone in this movie is so caricatured that I just couldn’t take a frame of it seriously.
22. RED 2
The first RED was a goofy but fun little action movie that mainly rode off the charisma of its cast. But did we really need a sequel? No, we didn’t but the box office on the first said otherwise. What was barely enough of a premise to sustain one movie has been stretched so far it has snapped, creating a movie that seems to have been made from the leftovers of the original. Take away the impressive star power of this movie and the decent production values, and this is a flick that would barely skate by direct-to-DVD. But hey, at least it’s not as bad as this interview with an incredibly rude Bruce Willis about the picture:
21. The Counsellor
What do you get when you combine Ridley Scott, one of the most well-known and respected filmmakers alive, with the talents of famed author Cormac McCarthy? You’d think something good, but that would make some sort of sense. But much like the confusing mess that is The Counsellor, it doesn’t make sense. Full of pretentiously obtuse dialogue and bizarre choices across the board, the only thing this movie will be remembered for is the scene with Cameron Diaz and a convertible. If you’ve seen the movie, you know what I’m talking about.
20. Filth
Let me get this out of the way: James McAvoy’s performance in Filth is brilliant. But take him out of the picture and this is just a bunch of depraved prattle. This is one of those examples of a novel just not adapting to the screen. It’s a film that is everything and nothing; it is filled with sex, violence, drugs and other such things but has nothing to really say about it. It has a great cast, but utterly wastes most of them. By the end of it all, I was just left confused by what I had witnessed. I know a lot of people liked this movie, more power to them, but I just found it dull.
19. The Incredible Burt Wonderstone
A recurring theme on this list will be “comedies that aren’t funny”. 2013 had an abundance of them, and to kick us off is The Incredible Burt Wonderstone. Why on earth such talented people as Steve Carrel, Jim Carrey, Alan Arkin, Steve Buscemi, Olivia Wilde and the late James Gandolfini signed on to this confusing mess is beyond me. This is what Will Ferrell scripts must be like without all the improv, and considering how unfunny this movie is it really could have used his presence.
18. The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones
Pretty much every YA novel on the market is getting a movie now, so here’s another one. The Mortal Instruments may not be as bad as some of its brethren, but that is mainly because this movie is so unintentionally hilarious. I swear, if you aren’t laughing by the time it reaches the climax where a serious of ludicrous plot twists occur, either you’re dead or you actually like this movie. It’s a shame that talents like Lena Heady and Jared Harris attached themselves to this pre-teen drivel. Thankfully they’re barely in it, but this isn’t the last we’ll here from Cersei Lannister on this list…
17. The Bling Ring
Hey, want to watch a movie about spoiled LA kids stealing sh*t and having no remorse about it? No, of course you don’t. Not unless you’re a fan of mindless reality TV. The premise, based on a true story, has the potential to be fun social satire. But this film is directed by Sofia Coppola, so instead enjoy dull, lifeless direction and shallow characters with no redeemable qualities. Sofia, I love Lost in Translation as much as the next person, but you really need to step up your game because I don’t want to sit through another slog like this.
16. Bullet to the Head
A title that describes what I wanted after watching this. Sylvester Stallone mumbles his way through this generic piece of pulp that wastes the time of its decent cast and legendary director Walter Hill, who is clearly past his prime. I can barely remember a damn thing about this movie other than it had an axe fight between Stallone and Sh*tty Conan, and that Christian Slater was in it for about ten minutes. Sly, I know you want to call back to your heyday in the 80’s, but you can do much better than this.
15. The Purge
What a wasted opportunity this was. This is a film set in a future where, for 12 hours a year, all emergency services are disabled and all crime is permitted. Forgetting about how implausible this premise is, it has the potential to do something really cool. But nope, it’s just another home invasion movie where that set-up does little more than explain why they can’t call the cops and why their inevitable resort to violence is justifiable. It contains every thriller trope imaginable and features some of the dumbest and ridiculous characters and decisions I’ve seen in a long time. Ethan Hawke and Lena Heady are much better than this, and I can’t believe we’re actually getting a sequel to this drivel.
14. The Host
We thought we had killed it, but it came back: Stephanie Meyer wasn’t guilty enough for inflicting Twilight upon the world, but now she is guilty of this atrocity. The Host has the potential to be an intriguing film, but wastes it on the same teen romance crap that has been shoved down our throats since 2008. What on earth was Saorise Ronan, a very talented actress, thinking when she signed on for this? If In Time was the first nail in the coffin for Andrew Niccol, The Host is close to final. One more f*ck up, and he is dead to me. You made Gattaca, man! What the hell happened?!
13. Broken City
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…huh, what? This movie is still going? Let me go back to sleep. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…what? You want me to give an opinion? OK. This movie is dull, pointless and a waste of its talents’ time. Next. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
12. I Give It a Year
Continuing our parade into “unfunny comedies” is a slightly different beast: an unfunny British comedy. What tries to be a play on the tired Brit rom com formula driven into the public consciousness since Richard Curtis met Hugh Grant is instead a film riding on awkwardness. Here is half of the jokes in I Give It a Year: “Yes, my wife is lovely. We did it the other night and it was great. Oh sh*t, that was rude. Oh f*ck, I said sh*t. There I did it again. This is very awkward. Oh dear, a picture of my privates. What a disaster!” Over and over and over again. Sound like fun to you? Then go knock yourself out, because certainly was tempted to.
11. Olympus Has Fallen
We got two “Die Hard in the White House” movies last year. One was the cheesy but fun White House Down, probably my biggest guilty pleasure of the year alongside Pain & Gain. And the other was the dumb, uninspired, jingoistic headache of a movie that was Olympus Has Fallen. Guess which one is getting a sequel? Yep, the sh*tty one. I never thought I’d say this but its true: Gerard Butler was the only good thing about this movie. Without his efforts, this movie would be much further up the list.
10. Spring Breakers
I know people like this movie. I even somewhat get why people like this movie. But if I wanted to hang out with a bunch of douchebags high on coke and their own ego whilst surrounded by pastels and Skrillex, I’d go to a rave. Yes, James Franco’s bizarre performance is fascinating to watch, but when everything around him is as warped as he is it just fails to do anything. This is a prime example of having your cake and eating it: making a statement about how rude and desensitised our youth is whilst jerking off to the concept at the same time. I’d expect nothing less from the director of Trash Humpers.
9. Parker
Jason Statham, you’re usually awesome but this…even this is beneath you. This is one of the dullest action-thrillers I have ever witnessed. Generic plot, dull characters, unimaginative action scenes, unfunny dialogue. Other than the amusement of seeing Statham do a horrendous Southern accent, there is nothing to see here. Please, Statham. Go find Neveldine & Taylor and make Crank 3 already. We miss you guys.
8. R.I.P.D.
R.I.P.D. isn’t just bad because it’s got a cliché-ridden script, a complete lack of chemistry between its two main stars, and some of the worst CGI I’ve ever seen in a major Hollywood blockbuster. It’s bad because it had so much potential to be good. There are moments when a much better film is screaming out, waiting to be unleashed. But the film squanders its unique premise with poor attempts at humour and a confusing sense of logic. Jeff Bridges, you’re better than this. F*ck, Ryan Reynolds, even YOU are better than this. This is a train wreck of a film that just gets worse and worse as you watch it.
7. The Hangover Part III
Oh how the mighty have fallen. The Hangover was a really good comedy, one that started a trend of imitators and skyrocketed its stars to the top. Then The Hangover Part II came out. It was the same movie, but with more dick. So, having learned their lesson (apparently), the third and (thankfully) final chapter in the “epic trilogy” goes for a completely different feel. Pity it sucks even more. I don’t think I’ve seen a more mean-spirited and vile movie that calls itself a comedy, because there is nothing here to like. What should be a send-off for these characters just becomes a lazy and irritating bunch of dreck. Toodaloo, motherf*ckers! Don’t come back!
6. A Good Day to Die Hard
It pains me to say this but…you had a good run, Die Hard. Now please die before you embarrass yourself anymore. From the word go, this was a doomed project. The script is atrocious, the directing is uninspired, the acting is half-assed, and the action scenes are so implausible that it makes Wanted look like a documentary. This is a massive slap in the face of a franchise that deserves better treatment than this. It’s this kind of movie that really pisses me off because it thinks its audience are a bunch of idiotic sheep who will go see anything because it says Die Hard on the poster. Bruce Willis, you clearly just don’t give a sh*t anymore. Now stop being a smug schmuck and let this franchise die while it still has an ounce of dignity.
5. Texas Chainsaw
It wouldn’t be a worst of list without a sh*tty slasher flick, and oh boy is this one a doozy. You though it couldn’t get any worse than those Michael Bay produced Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies, didn’t you? Now witness this: a movie where we are supposed to SYMPATHISE with Leatherface. F*CKING LEATHERFACE! The deranged killer of the franchise is supposed to be our misunderstood hero. I’m sorry, but that is just f*cking stupid! “Go get ‘em, cuz!” Why don’t you piss off and let this dead franchise stay dead?!
4. After Earth
Wow, M. Night Shyamalan still has a career? Who keeps funding this guy? Now to be fair, I’ve read that this isn’t mostly Shyamalan’s fault. Nope, the person we should be pointing the finger at is the Fresh Prince himself. Never have I seen a sci-fi movie this utterly lifeless and unimaginative. The plot is too basic for an NES game, the acting is so wooden you could make furniture out of it, the directing is typical Shyamalan awkwardness, and who the f*ck thought that Cypher Raige was a good sounding name? Seriously? CYPHER F*CKING RAIGE? Who thought of this? Oh right, Will Smith did. This was all his elaborate $130million plan to make his son Jaden a star. Pity that he can’t act his way out of a paper bag. Will, you are awesome, but please don’t ever attempt to write anything ever again.
3. Only God Forgives
And now we come to the biggest piece of pretentious bollocks I have ever witnessed. This is a movie that has got nothing, absolutely nothing, but blood, karaoke, and admittedly beautiful cinematography. If there were a competition for Most Polished Turd, this would win the gold medal for sure. I’ve seen plenty of people on the Internet try to explain what this movie means, but right there that means the movie has failed: I should not require supplementary material to understand what the f*ck you are trying to say! Nicholas Winding Refn, whose previous film Drive was my favourite film of 2011, has managed to something thought impossible to science: he has found a way to go up his own arsehole. I don’t know what kind of black magic he conjured to do it, but he did it. Refn, you’d better hope that God forgives because I certainly won’t.
2. Movie 43
Let me recount to you what horrors lie within the depths of Movie 43. (clears throat) Hugh Jackman with balls on his chin. Naomi Watts possibly having an incestuous relationship with her son. Chris Pratt having explosive diarrhea. Batman talking about Supergirl’s muff. Gerard Butler as a foul-mouthed leprechaun. Stephen Merchant in yellowface. Terrence Howard shouting “you’re black” for three minutes. And finally, a cartoon cat jerking off to pictures of Josh Duhamel. All of this and much more lie within the depths of the most bizarre waste of time and money ever thrown at the screen. Every single writer involved in this project should have their right to be called writers revoked permanently, and every single actor involved in this travesty should distance themselves from this as much as possible.
And now, the biggest turd of them all. Drumroll please…
1. Identity Thief
No movie this year caused me more pain than Identity Thief did. At least Movie 43 was so utterly insane that it was fascinating. This is just pure garbage from start to finish. It isn’t enough that this so-called comedy failed to make me laugh even once. It isn’t enough that this plot is so implausible and ludicrous that it defies all logic. It isn’t even enough that this wastes the talents of some actors who really would be better off doing anything else. No, this movie is so vile, so heinous, so deluded, that it has created one of the most vile and detestable characters I have ever seen put to the screen in all her annoying glory…and then it has the sheer audacity to say “Now sympathise with her”. I think a sh*tty movie deserves a quote from another sh*tty movie, so: Tracy, take it away.
No, Identity Thief. I refuse to sympathise with Melissa McCarthy, a character that ruins people’s lives for her own benefit and feels no remorse for it. I don’t care if she comes around near the end, she is still a horrendous example of a human being and how dare you think I’m as stupid as Jason Bateman is in this to fall for it. This is a movie that thinks its audience are a bunch of morons who will laugh at anything and eat up whatever sh*t it throws at it. But no, movie. Audiences are smarter than this, and you should but some f*cking effort in to entertaining your audience and treat them with a little respect. F*ck you, Identity Thief! F*CK YOU!
And there you have it. The worst of the worst. I apologise for the amount of profanity near the end there, but that felt SO good. Now that that business is done and dusted, we can focus on the good things in life. Tune in soon for what I thought were the best films of 2013.
Starring: Joel Kinnaman (The Killing), Gary Oldman (Tinker Tailor Solider Spy), Michael Keaton (Batman), Samuel L. Jackson (Pulp Fiction), Abbie Cornish (Limitless), Jackie Earl Haley (Watchmen)
Director: José Padilha (Elite Squad)
Writer: Joshua Zetumer
Runtime: 1 hour 58 minutes
Release Date: 7 February (UK), 12 February (US)
Let’s make this very clear: Paul Verhoeven’s RoboCop is one of my all-time favourite films. It has a classic story, OTT violence, is immensely quotable, and it’s all wrapped up in a nice bow of social satire. And like every classic movie nowadays, it’s now got a remake. Like many fans, I was initially wary. Why touch a classic when not only is it still good but still relevant? But, ever the optimist, I wasn’t going to demonise the product until I saw the entire thing. So strap in, because I’ve got a lot to say about this one. Dead or alive, this movie is getting reviewed.
To list the amount of changes made here would basically involve telling you the plot beat-by-beat, so I’m not going to do that. Some may read that statement and call blasphemy but to me, the best remakes take the core idea of the original film and build something new. I don’t want to watch an exact copy of RoboCop with a new cast and flashier effects (I’m looking at you, Kimberly Peirce’s Carrie). If you have to remake a film, I want to see something new done with the idea. Luckily, the filmmakers are smarter than this and have indeed crafted a different movie. Much like how Alex Murphy (Joel Kinnaman) has enough of himself remaining to consider himself human, the remake of RoboCop has just enough elements of the original to make it seem like RoboCop. The plot itself does touch on a lot of the key beats of its ancestor, but changes enough to keep it fresh. Whilst I could certainly see where elements came from, there were also plenty of new ideas to stop me from knowing exactly where it was going. The film is well paced and doesn’t get dull, but on strictly a plot level it isn’t exactly revolutionary. Where the film shines is when it deals with the moral questions of putting a man inside a machine. Can he still live a normal life? What is his state of mind when he finds out? How much can he be controlled? Should he be controlled? All of these and more are brought up and it does add a layer of brains to the proceedings; it somewhat reminded me of ethical questions posed in more recent sci-fi like District 9 or Moon. The film is now as much about Murphy coming to terms with his predicament and trying to remain human as it is about avenging his own attempted murder. It’s an element that was glossed over in the original and whilst what they do with it does work, unfortunately the film doesn’t focus on it enough. Half of the movie is taken up by all the hubbub inside OmniCorp and, whilst this is where we get a lot of that ripe moral questioning, it takes away focus from our protagonist. For periods, the film seems to be as much about Dr. Dennett Norton (Oldman) and his moral dilemma as it is about Murphy. What is there is good, but the film feels a bit bloated and could have done with some streamlining. In terms of social satire, it is still there but not quite as blatant as the original. Most of this commentary is relegated to Pat Novak (Jackson), and whilst all of his bits are entertaining as they lampoon extreme conservative media, they factor very little into the narrative. The film’s other main jab is at the way corporations are run; how everything is about marketing, getting out the product out on time, and shrugging off the serious problems to do so. It’s these elements that help elevate the film past being just another blockbuster and, whilst it lacks the balls of the original film, it makes up for it in brains.
Choosing a new RoboCop must have been a daunting task. Finding someone who brought that subtle charisma and humanity that Peter Weller brought to the part couldn’t have been easy. Luckily, they decided to go in a slightly different direction. Joel Kinnaman’s Murphy is given much more opportunity to emote, and during these scenes he does well. There is a scene where Murphy, having just discovered what has happened to him, tearfully asks for the plug to be pulled on him. Completely immobile, Kinnaman has to deliver this scene using only his face and he surprisingly pulls it off despite how off-putting the visual is (I won’t spoil it, but some may find it chuckle worthy). This time around, Murphy slowly loses his humanity and as it goes along becomes more and more like the stoic, emotionless RoboCop that Weller’s was initially like. I enjoyed this element, as it both gives Kinnaman some range and again brings up those ethical issues. Whilst Weller will always be the true RoboCop, I respect Kinnaman’s efforts. The rest of the cast is filled with a team of all-stars, and for the most part they don’t phone it in. Gary Oldman’s Norton has been likened to Victor Frankenstein and it is an apt comparison. He is a man trapped in a situation that he’s struggling to control, a man who questions his orders but reluctantly goes along with them. Oldman’s presence not only gives the film a sense of respectability but he holds the emotional core of the film during the stretches where Kinnaman is absent. Michael Keaton’s Raymond Sellars serves a similar role to Ronny Cox’s Dick Jones, but is nowhere near as much of an out-and-out villain. Whereas Jones was all about staying on top, Sellars is a man who is trying to be the best he can be and just goes to far. Samuel L. Jackson channels Rush Limbaugh and other similar journalists to good effect in his performance but he feels a little underutilised, as do Jay Baruchel and Jennifer Ehle in their fun but small roles. Abbie Cornish gets a lot more screen time than her counterpart in the original, but I found her chemistry with Kinnaman was seriously lacking and she spends most of the movie crying. My only big casting problem has nothing to do with performance but I found it extremely puzzling: why is Lewis now a dude? Michael K. Williams is a fine enough actor, but why is Lewis now a dude? I guess you could argue that “well, the part of Lewis doesn’t need to a woman”, but that was the point. Lewis didn’t need to be a woman, but the fact that she was made her stand out more as a character than just being the partner. And if they really wanted to change Lewis to a guy, don’t call him Lewis. Other than Murphy, it’s the only name from the original that’s been kept anyway so what’s the point? It’s a change that does nothing but potentially piss off fanboys.
A lot of fuss has been made about how this new RoboCop is PG-13/12A when the original was a hard R/18, and after watching the film it is somewhat distracting. But thinking about it, I do think it is more than just a way of creating a larger audience. Verhoeven’s RoboCop was a comment on the amount of violence in movies at the time; it was about taking the American action movie and amping it up to ludicrous levels. That isn’t the goal of the new RoboCop, and so the tamer violence is still noticeable but it didn’t infuriate me (though I’m sure it’s not going to stop people from complaining). But what the action lacks in blood and guts, it makes up for with scale and speed. José Padilha’s work on the Elite Squad films shines through here, as the action scenes do have a good frenetic energy to them and the advances in technology since 1987 allows for the action to become extravagant. The new design of the RoboCop suit also drew some criticism, and this is a case where I do heartily agree. It is especially annoying because initially he does have an updated version of the original suit and it looks great. But then they stick him in that all-black number and it just looks dull. I get that it’s probably closer to a proper military product and the film does somewhat acknowledge the issue, but the new suit is just aesthetically unappealing. The music for the film is mostly pretty standard, but I do have to admit that the re-orchestrated version of the classic RoboCop theme put a nice big smile on my face.
And now comes the moment of truth. The moment where I cause sighs of relief for some and fits of rage from others: I like this new RoboCop. Is it as good as the original film? F*ck no! The original is a classic piece of cinema history and it always will be. But is this new RoboCop trying to be the original? No, it’s not. It takes the core concept of the original and does its own thing with it. It has some good action scenes, a mostly solid cast, some interesting and topical thoughts about where our world could be heading, and it also throws in some good references for the die-hard fans. It’s a different film and should be treated as such. Will all the fans be pleased? No, but that’s the nature of things. There are those willing to accept change and those who are not. If you love the original, it’s still there and as great as ever; the presence of this new one doesn’t mar its legacy in the slightest. But if you’re curious and go in knowing you’re in for something different, you may come out pleasantly surprised like I was. It’s not perfect, but just consider how much worse it could have been if not placed in the hands of people who care enough not to fart out a homogenised and pointless film. My only advice to them at this point: if you make a sequel, keep Frank Miller as far away as humanly possible.
Starring: Matthew McConaughey (Mud), Jennifer Garner (Juno), Jared Leto (Requiem for a Dream), Steve Zahn (Out of Sight), Denis O’Hare (Milk), Michael O’Neill (Transformers)
The subject of HIV is a very sensitive one, and one that has been covered several times in films such as Philadelphia and The Hours to name a couple. So the subject matter isn’t exactly an unexplored territory. But Dallas Buyers Club isn’t just a film about AIDS. It’s a film about trying to help others, fighting for what you believe in, and becoming a better person in the process.
Dallas Buyers Club is based on a true story. That doesn’t mean it’s 100% accurate, but what movie is? The important thing is that the film works not just as a story but also as a great character piece. Ron Woodruff (McConaughey) isn’t always an easy to like guy. At the start of the film, he’s a rude, ignorant, homophobic cokehead. It would be easy for the film to pull the “sympathy purely because of illness” card, but it doesn’t. What Woodruff lacks in common sense he makes up for in sheer determination to survive, and that determination leads him down a path away from death and towards saving himself and others. It’s a well-written story full of strong emotional moments, but also manages to sprinkle in enough levity to stop depression from kicking in. I only have two main flaws with the film. Firstly, I felt the antagonists were portrayed a little too one-dimensionally. They seemed far too aggressive and ignorant, almost as if they wanted to make sure people died. I know it helps make Woodruff’s plight that much more difficult, but these people seem a tad too negative to be real. Secondly, I though the ending felt a bit rushed. After all this build-up, the film quickly wraps itself up with little time to linger on the events that have just passed. Then again, I guess the fact I wanted the movie to keep going is a sign that it was doing something right.
It’s hard to believe that just a few years ago, Matthew McConaughey was written off by most people as a dumb Texan pretty boy who seemed allergic to shirts. Now, he’s giving great performance after great performance, and his role here makes his spectacular work in Mud seem like a warm-up act. It’s not just the physical transformation he’s gone through that is impressive. Its how charming and likable McConaughey manages to make this guy even when he’s still a rotten scoundrel. Even during these early scenes, you get a sense that deep down inside this guy has a heart, and when he comes around it just makes it that much more powerful. It’s one of his finest performances and is very worthy of its Academy Award nomination. But for as good as McConaughey is, Jared Leto gets just as much time to steal the show. He has gone through an even more drastic physical change, but he truly inhabits the character of Rayon and makes every moment seem pitch perfect. Leto gets a lot of great emotional scenes, a particularly good example of one is when he goes to visit his estranged father, and every single one of them makes you say, “Give this man an Oscar”. The rest of the cast seems pretty low-key compared to McConaughey and Leto, but they all perform admirably. This is probably the best I’ve seen Jennifer Garner in a while, and she does get a few moments to herself that really work. Steve Zahn is good whenever he’s around, but he’s only in the film sporadically and doesn’t do a whole lot. As said before, I found the antagonists a bit much but Denis O’Hare and Michael O’Neill do well with what they’re given and make these somewhat stereotypical characters seem presentable.
There’s not much to talk about in the technical department other than the make-up, which is fantastic. The way McConaughey and Leto’s characters slowly shift in health throughout the movie is astounding; they truly look like they are decaying right on camera. It certainly helps make the film more convincing and believable.
Dallas Buyers Club isn’t a revolutionary film, but it hits all the right notes to be enjoyable mainly thanks to the wonderful efforts of Matthew McConaughey and Jared Leto. In less deft hands, this could have been a trite drama full of pull-at-your-heartstrings moments that fail to connect. But luckily the film is smarter than that and lets the affliction drive the character rather than the other way round.
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